Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Time flies

January is very nearly over. That means winter is a little closer to being over, tax refunds and year end bonuses are on the way, and life is generally boring.

Boring is ok, though - it was a crazy month...

I think Jordan hated me liking him. I don't think I was enough of a challenge.

We were talking at Pizza Luce a couple weeks ago and he told me that he wants what he can't have. I was supposed to play games with his head and make him think I didn't like him so that he'd like me.

He quickly told me to forget he said that...I guess I was supposed to know that but pretend that I didn't.

That's way too complicated for me. I act on impulse and emotion - definitely not always a good thing and I try to be conscious of that so I can control it - but in the end, it's me...I'm sensitive, I like being a girlfriend, I try to be nice, I want to be open and honest.

I trusted Jordan. He liked me so much at first. I let myself get too attached. I got hurt. When I tried to avoid that, he was upset. Making other people feel bad tends to make me feel awful...so I was nice...

Which brings me back to Jordan hating that I liked him.

That's his choice and I hope he ends up happy.

I'm surprised I'm not feeling more sad and hurt, but after all that drama yesterday and thinking more about Jordan's personality and our relationship dynamics...I just don't feel much of anything.

Anyway, I'm hanging out with Jim tonight and that makes me happy.

It is way too cold outside.

I have a cute new hoodie.

I was supposed to have a meeting with my boss today, but she rescheduled for Thursday.

I want to go to New Zealand and hang out with Scottish Stu and his adorable accent.

I am really annoyed by motivational posters.

No comments: