Monday, August 25, 2008

so....yeah....

My dad has a cancerous lump in his kidney. I don't think that means the same as "having cancer," but I'm not sure. He's having surgery tomorrow to have the lump removed - from what I understand, that is what will reveal whether it's "just a lump" or if it's...a more serious issue.

I'm scared.

My dad is not a healthy guy.

I have to imagine that this would be abit easier to deal with if my family wasn't so indescribably dysfunctional at the moment.

I'm sad.

I've been an awful daughter. :/

If something bad happened...I would feel like an orphan.

I talked to him tonight and asked him to please not die and he said he wasn't planning on it. I made him promise and he said, "I promise I won't die."

My dad's not a promising kind of guy. He's an unsentimental realist, in fact.

I feel very alone...but it's the kind of thing I suck at talking about so I guess I just have to make it through the next few days and deal with whatever I have to deal with.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

LIfe hurts sometimes and that makes it hard to sleep


What did people do before things like Facebook to waste their time with???

I have flair!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Rarr...


Rarr...
Originally uploaded by {Amy_Jane}
My dinosaur painting also makes me happy.

:)

I hung out with a new boy tonight. I like him - he was cute and nice and fun to talk to. Bailey approved which is always a plus...

We'll see...but I'm happy.

Mind dump

Can't sleep - my tummy is upset...not sure why. I slept from about 10 PM - 12 AM, but I've been wide awake since then.

Weekend was good...mostly. Friday night, Other Amy and I went to Scrap-Mania at Archiver's.

Saturday, I went to work early early early for an install. Good times. I did some shopping, took a nap, did some painting and collage work, hung out w/ John, and ended up with Ryan H. and some other guys from work.

Sunday, I was not feeling so good. I was pretty lazy. Watched some Law and Order: CI and HGTV and napped with Bailey.

Today I worked from home. In the evening, I prepped some paper with gesso to be painted soon. Jim came over, fixed my screen, and we went out for burgers. He brought me home and I went to bed.

I haven't really checked my personal email in 3 days, I think. I'm ok with that.

I haven't checked my bank account or any of my social networking sites (Facebook, etc) or the blogs I read regularly in about 3 days as well. I'm also ok with that.

I've been painting and making collages and ATC's and thinking about lots of creative things lately. I like that.

I'm soooooooooo sick of dead moles.

I hope Jordan doesn't hate me and that he remembers the nice things I did and the things he liked about me. I don't know why I care. I find myself missing him in an odd kind of way now and then. I don't know if "missing" is the right word.

I don't know.

I want to meet new people, but I lack energy. I want to get big projects started and other ones finished, but I lack motivation. I want to do everything, but I can't. I want to do something, but wanting to do everything paralyzes me.

I don't especially like being naked.

I wish I was in New Zealand.

I miss my friends.

I miss my family.

I miss school.

I like having a blog.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Really? No, seriously...really???

I don't normally post personal emails in my blog, but this is particularly...entertaining.

Some background information: I went out with this guy on Sunday - a blind date, more or less. It was a very casual thing. I was about a half hour late meeting him because my little cousin had been over for the weekend and left later than I expected. I sent him several emails telling him this, but he can't check his emails from home and I couldn't contact him directly because he didn't give me his number. I figured showing up late was better than not showing up at all so I hurried out.

Here's an excerpt from the email he sent me on Monday:

Hello Amy

I'll honestly tell you what I think. One part of me wants to get my hands on you. Another part picked up on the fact that you go off on tangents. This led me to perceive you as being a bit scattered. I tend to approach things logically and analytically. I think my personality is very different than yours. So, on the one hand, there is lust, but on the other there seems to be incompatible personalities. I say this because I've been in a situation where there were incompatible personalities and it was an insurmountable barrier. In the long run, I think that we would drive each other crazy and it would end badly.

It's odd. I tend to meet women who I am compatible with but have no sexual interest in, or I meet women like yourself who I have sexual interest in but are not compatible in the ways that make a relationship possible.

You mentioned that you are not high maintenence when it comes to looks. I like a girl that puts on make up, paints her nails, and dresses in an appealing manner. Men are visual. My impression is that you are not into that...


I'm obviously not his type - which is totally fine. He wasn't very attractive or interesting and nothing resembling chemistry between us. Here's an excerpt from my response:

It's funny that you perceived me as scattered...I'm generally perceived as extremely organized, efficient, punctual, dependable, responsible, etc...I get teased about it all the time at work.

I'm extremely analytical - not quite sure how that plays in here, but it IS what I do for a living. Same with logic...

Last night was obviously full of unique circumstances. I hate being late - I'm usually early; however, since my situation changed and I couldn't contact you, I had 2 options - not show up at all; or, do whatever I could to meet you ASAP. I went with the latter...feeling like it was a whole lot better than not showing up at all.

I would've liked to have more time to get ready, but I don't think I was gross or anything! I often have paint or some other kind of artsy medium on me when I'm around the house or whatever because I'm almost always working on some project....and I'm not very high-maintenance when it comes to appearance in general...

...I'm not sure how you have come to so many conclusions about the nature of my personality and its compatibility, or lack thereof, with yours...I don't think I'm quite so simple and I don't feel like I'm even close to being able to make the same sorts of conclusions...

By the way, what IS my approach to things? And my communication style? Those are things I could write essays about and still not fully capture those aspects of ME...

...I get dressed up...sometimes, but definitely not on a daily basis and certainly not to make somebody like me. I don't quite get how that reconciles with your desire "to get your hands on me."...


In retrospect, I'm not even sure why I bothered responding. The idea of his "hands on me" made me a little sick and his general attitude is totally ridiculous. Must be the defensive part of myself mixed with a natural inclination to be nice and polite to some extent. His reply:

...That reconciles because I find you attractive. I'm trying to think of a good analogy and I'm having trouble doing so. No analogy really fits. How about this? A rose is nice, but isn't a rose with the stem, leaves, all the trimmings (baby's breath, etc.), and a vase more appealing? It's the packaging that frames and glorifies the focal point of the flower itself.

As a man I can say that you are looking at this incorrectly. Men are visual. If you are going to get a man you must play up to that visual orientation. It's just part of the basics of biology between the sexes. There is power in that make up and those clothes. There is the power to attract and excite a mate. If you don't play up to the visual aspect, you won't get the chance to show what else you have to offer.

What is wrong with doing something to make them like you anyway? There are plenty of far more difficult things that have to be done between men and women to attract, build, and maintain a relationship than this.

I guess that this is one of the differences I was referring to. I think that we would have a number of disagreements like this. I've never been with a woman who did not take pride in her appearance and do things to enhance it. I really like and appreciate that a woman does that. I guess that this is a deal breaker for me. I spend a lot of time working out for health reasons. I also appreciate what it does for my appearance. I take pride in that. I expect a woman to do things for her appearance as well. You have good stuff to work with...

Who says that kind of stuff??? Honestly? Who still thinks like that???

I shared this with several people - friends, co-workers, my gramma - and the general response matched mine. My 84-year-old gramma was especially outraged. :)

I also asked some of my guy friends for their opinion. They basically said that as long as a girl can get dressed up, etc when the situation calls for it, they are happy. Almost all of them also added that they don't like when girls wear make-up and very much prefer the natural look. Furthermore, they all said I am just fine the way I am and that this guy is a loser.

I really hate dating.

Ah well...at least it makes for an amusing story.

Thank's T-Mobile!!!!!

I've had cell phone service through T-Mobile since October of 2000. I've always been satisfied with their service, but recently my phone broke and they refused to do anything about it even though I paid full price for it ($350) less than 6 months ago. They have their policies, blah blah blah, but I've been a perfect customer for a LONG time! Pretty lame.

The bright side of this is that I want an iPhone and this is a perfect excuse to switch to AT&T...but I was thinking my contract with T-Mobile was up in October - it's not up until February 6, 2009.

So, I'm stuck with the cruddy phone I bought at Target for another 6 months. Ugh.

In related news, their on-line chat support people are idiots. I asked, "When is my contract up so I can cancel my service without being penalized?" Response:
Erica J: Thank you for contacting T-Mobile Live Chat, Amy. This is Erica. I will be more than happy to assist you with this issue. I understand that you are very important that you know when your contract is up. Are you seeking to get a phone upgrade in the future?
Sigh.

Monday, August 4, 2008

In honor of 2,000...


Originally uploaded by keri
A recent favorite from Flickr...

It's true - it really won't.

Even if I put vacuuming off a little longer.

Even if there is glitter all over the floor.

Even if my car sucks.

Even if I don't get enough sleep tonight...

Everything will be ok.

2,000

Woo! My Flickr page has been viewed 2,000 times!

The little things make me very happy. :)

I have other exciting news, but you're just going to have to wait on the edge of your seat for that...

Sunday, August 3, 2008

I'm Weird - Exhibit A

I'm a *unique* girl. I don't fit nicely into any boxes and I'm not easily stereo-typed or classified.

Exhibit A: My iPod's "Most Played" play list, August 3, 2008.

This list is auto-updated and includes songs that I've played at least X number of times (I don't remember what the actual number is) and is limited to 40 songs.

I think it's a little skewed today because my little cousin Lydia spent the weekend with me and her music choices bumped a few songs up, but I still think it is adequately representative of my weird-ness.

So, in no particular order...

✮ I Walk the Line - Johnny Cash
✮ Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
✮ I’m Henry the VIII - Herman’s Hermits
✮ All I Want is You - Juno
✮ Loose Lips - Juno
✮ Dearest - Juno
✮ Blowin’ in the Wind - Bob Dylan
✮ Friend of the Devil - Grateful Dead
✮ Casey Jones - Grateful Dead
✮ I Woke up With This Song in my Head This Morning - Bright Eyes
✮ Hold on Hope - Guided by Voices (Scrubs)
✮ She Will be Loved - Maroon 5
✮ Gun - Jeff Tweedy/Uncle Tupelo
✮ A Well Respected Man - Juno
✮ Superstar - Juno
✮ Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right - Bob Dylan
✮ Bad Day - Daniel Powter
✮ Brokedown Palace - Grateful Dead
✮ Anyone Else But You - Juno
✮ All the Young Dudes - Juno
✮ So Nice, So Smart - Juno
✮ Box of Rain - Grateful Dead
✮ Uncle John’s Band - Grateful Dead
✮ Dirty Little Secret - All-American Rejects
✮ Do It Again - Stroke 9 (Scrubs)
✮ Fishin’ in the Dark - Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
✮ I Don’t Dance - High School Musical II
✮ Let U Go - Ashley Parker Angel
✮ The Man in Me - Bob Dylan
✮ Move Along - All-American Rejects
✮ Older Chests - Damien Rice
✮ Question - Old 97’s (Scrubs)
✮ Ripple - Grateful Dead
✮ Soundtrack to Your Life - Ashley Parker Angel
✮ Superman - Lazlo Bane (Scrubs)
✮ Tire Swing - Juno
✮ Tree Hugger - Juno
✮ Well Whiskey - Bright Eyes
✮ Wouldn’t it be Nice? - Beach Boys
✮ Me and Julio Down by the School Yard - Paul Simon

(Juno means it's from the soundtrack, Scrubs means I heard the song on the show.)

What surprises me is the lack of Wilco on the list. There's one Jeff Tweedy/Uncle Tupelo song, but I love Wilco!