Thursday, August 7, 2008

Really? No, seriously...really???

I don't normally post personal emails in my blog, but this is particularly...entertaining.

Some background information: I went out with this guy on Sunday - a blind date, more or less. It was a very casual thing. I was about a half hour late meeting him because my little cousin had been over for the weekend and left later than I expected. I sent him several emails telling him this, but he can't check his emails from home and I couldn't contact him directly because he didn't give me his number. I figured showing up late was better than not showing up at all so I hurried out.

Here's an excerpt from the email he sent me on Monday:

Hello Amy

I'll honestly tell you what I think. One part of me wants to get my hands on you. Another part picked up on the fact that you go off on tangents. This led me to perceive you as being a bit scattered. I tend to approach things logically and analytically. I think my personality is very different than yours. So, on the one hand, there is lust, but on the other there seems to be incompatible personalities. I say this because I've been in a situation where there were incompatible personalities and it was an insurmountable barrier. In the long run, I think that we would drive each other crazy and it would end badly.

It's odd. I tend to meet women who I am compatible with but have no sexual interest in, or I meet women like yourself who I have sexual interest in but are not compatible in the ways that make a relationship possible.

You mentioned that you are not high maintenence when it comes to looks. I like a girl that puts on make up, paints her nails, and dresses in an appealing manner. Men are visual. My impression is that you are not into that...

I'm obviously not his type - which is totally fine. He wasn't very attractive or interesting and nothing resembling chemistry between us. Here's an excerpt from my response:

It's funny that you perceived me as scattered...I'm generally perceived as extremely organized, efficient, punctual, dependable, responsible, etc...I get teased about it all the time at work.

I'm extremely analytical - not quite sure how that plays in here, but it IS what I do for a living. Same with logic...

Last night was obviously full of unique circumstances. I hate being late - I'm usually early; however, since my situation changed and I couldn't contact you, I had 2 options - not show up at all; or, do whatever I could to meet you ASAP. I went with the latter...feeling like it was a whole lot better than not showing up at all.

I would've liked to have more time to get ready, but I don't think I was gross or anything! I often have paint or some other kind of artsy medium on me when I'm around the house or whatever because I'm almost always working on some project....and I'm not very high-maintenance when it comes to appearance in general...

...I'm not sure how you have come to so many conclusions about the nature of my personality and its compatibility, or lack thereof, with yours...I don't think I'm quite so simple and I don't feel like I'm even close to being able to make the same sorts of conclusions...

By the way, what IS my approach to things? And my communication style? Those are things I could write essays about and still not fully capture those aspects of ME...

...I get dressed up...sometimes, but definitely not on a daily basis and certainly not to make somebody like me. I don't quite get how that reconciles with your desire "to get your hands on me."...

In retrospect, I'm not even sure why I bothered responding. The idea of his "hands on me" made me a little sick and his general attitude is totally ridiculous. Must be the defensive part of myself mixed with a natural inclination to be nice and polite to some extent. His reply:

...That reconciles because I find you attractive. I'm trying to think of a good analogy and I'm having trouble doing so. No analogy really fits. How about this? A rose is nice, but isn't a rose with the stem, leaves, all the trimmings (baby's breath, etc.), and a vase more appealing? It's the packaging that frames and glorifies the focal point of the flower itself.

As a man I can say that you are looking at this incorrectly. Men are visual. If you are going to get a man you must play up to that visual orientation. It's just part of the basics of biology between the sexes. There is power in that make up and those clothes. There is the power to attract and excite a mate. If you don't play up to the visual aspect, you won't get the chance to show what else you have to offer.

What is wrong with doing something to make them like you anyway? There are plenty of far more difficult things that have to be done between men and women to attract, build, and maintain a relationship than this.

I guess that this is one of the differences I was referring to. I think that we would have a number of disagreements like this. I've never been with a woman who did not take pride in her appearance and do things to enhance it. I really like and appreciate that a woman does that. I guess that this is a deal breaker for me. I spend a lot of time working out for health reasons. I also appreciate what it does for my appearance. I take pride in that. I expect a woman to do things for her appearance as well. You have good stuff to work with...

Who says that kind of stuff??? Honestly? Who still thinks like that???

I shared this with several people - friends, co-workers, my gramma - and the general response matched mine. My 84-year-old gramma was especially outraged. :)

I also asked some of my guy friends for their opinion. They basically said that as long as a girl can get dressed up, etc when the situation calls for it, they are happy. Almost all of them also added that they don't like when girls wear make-up and very much prefer the natural look. Furthermore, they all said I am just fine the way I am and that this guy is a loser.

I really hate dating.

Ah least it makes for an amusing story.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Right on girl. I know the feeling. I' trying to come up with something witty but... I don't know what kind of response it deserves.