Monday, July 6, 2009

Too tired to sleep

I'm exhausted. Very, very exhausted. The kind of exhausted that keeps me from being able to fall asleep.

No good.

I went up north to the cabin Saturday morning and got home around 8 tonight - a short, but fun mini-vacation. The weather was perfect and I watched fireworks for the first time in....a long time. Lots of running around with my little cousins, swimming, fetch with Bailey (who is happy to get in the water and show off his doggy paddle this year!), grilling, tubing (none for me - I just went along for the ride), a bit of bocce ball, and sparklers!

It was a good time, but all that time running around in the sun really exhausted me (I can be redundant because I am tired.) There were LOTS more people around than I am used to up there - I think that wore me out too. I get overwhelmed when things are chaotic and I don't really get the chance to recharge.

Life is weird...I've been going to the cabin pretty much my whole life. It feels exactly the same, but totally different at the same time. It's changed a lot - the cabin, the neighbors, the lake, the town...there's MORE of everything.

My little cousins are growing up so fast. People always say that about kids, but I have only recently realized just how true it is. I remember being up there when my cousin was pregnant with the oldest kid - he's 8 1/2 now. A few years ago, he fell off the dock - it was near shore and he didn't get hurt or anything, but he was scared and cried and cried...Now I can throw him in the lake and he laughs - then runs back on the dock and pushes me in.

My life is totally opposite of my cousin's. She's living "The American Dream" and I'm...just me. I'm not at all surprised that we turned out so differently, but it still feels kind of weird sometimes. As often as I feel like a part of the family, I feel like a total outsider. Always welcome, but odd...

I can't find the right words to describe it.

It's not bad. Just odd. Sometimes.

1 comment:

blessingsgoddess said...

"Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings.”

I very much agree with the quote at the top of your blog.