Friday, January 29, 2010

New stuff and updates on BC7ATE9!

Hello world,

Check out my new-ish blog at www.BC7ATE9.com - I've added some new features and have been posting somewhat regularly.  It's on it's way to becoming a *real blog*!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A *Spark*

About 9 months ago, I  planned my daddy's funeral.

I never, ever thought that was anything I would or could do.

It went well.

My Grampa was so generous.  I kept saying, "No guest book!", "No programs!", "No [anything that cost even MORE money]!"

He insisted on having - and covered the costs of - lots of things.

He was especially adamant about the guest book.  It came with a pen - a really NICE pen.  We HAD to have that pen.

It was a decent pen.

It was so hard....yet the funeral director made it as easy as that sort of thing can possibly be.  It was almost an enjoyable experience...if it wasn't for that whole "death " thing lingering over it all...

When we were done with all the planning, I hugged everybody.  I started hugging when my daddy died - I realized that sometimes there just aren't words and hugging makes everything all better for at least a wee bit...

The funeral director - Steven Houfek - stopped me as we were leaving.

He told me that he saw a *spark* within me.

Something undefinable, something good, something positive, fun, happy, optimistic....something lit from within....

He told me that he hoped that wouldn't go away....that I'd be able to keep that *spark* lit despite everything.  That I'd still have that within me, even when it became hard to see....

Coming from a guy who deals with grieving people every single day - and has what must be the most depressing job on Earth....it meant something.

He looked me in the eye, hands on my shoulders, looked past my facade of braveness, my fear, my anger....whatever.

"You have a spark inside you.  I hope that it doesn't go away as you deal with all this because it is alive and well and beautiful - and it'll keep you strong."

I thanked him.

I thought about it.

I continue to think about it.

Somebody who deals with people in that position for a living must have some insight...

I don't know....

I guess it doesn't matter....

But part of me hopes I DO have a *spark.*  Something special....something unique....something that, ultimately, makes it all ok....something that makes me ME...something that matters just for that reason alone...

I don't know what I really mean to say or what my point is....

I guess I just want something within me - intrinsically part of me - that my dad would be proud of - in his way (which really just means that he wouldn't be disgusted by my display of emotions.)

I hope I still have my *spark.*

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Is it time to wake up....or time to go to bed?


Not quite sure....

Insomnia is NOT:
depression,
a suicidal tendency,
anti-social behavior,
a "cry for help,"
abnormal grieving,
etc.

It is what it is.

As much as I hate that expression,
it really does fit my state of mind.

I have pretty much finished knitting THREE scarves today! 
Go Amy!

...and that's life here in my funny little world.

Cheers!


Monday, January 11, 2010

Yep

I just can't find the time

To write my mind

The way I want it to read


Sunday, January 10, 2010

Life is sketchy at the moment.


Saturday, January 9, 2010

Sometimes, day turns into night and then it is day again.

Those are not my favorite nights.


This, however, is my favorite pirate -

Is there anybody who grew up in the 80's who didn't want Punky's treehouse?




Punky Brewster was definitely one of the best things to come out of the 80's.  Not only did she have that pizza place with the fire pole, but she had The.  Most.  Amazing.  Treehouse.  Ever.

I'm still jealous....but I think THIS might just fulfill ALL my treehouse needs.

I'd be perfectly happy with this one...

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Meet my new blog...

I decided to create a 2nd blog.  I'll still have this one for all my ramblings about my crazy life and the new one will focus on the crafty, creative, artsy, and imaginative part of myself

You can find it at www.bc7ate9.com for now.  Eventually I hope to make an actual site, but I haven't built a web site in....a very long time so it's pointing to the blogger site till I get around to doing that. 

So, welcome to the world BC7ATE9!

Friday, January 1, 2010

2009

I did this in 2007 and 2008 - sounds like a a tradition....

1. Who was your first kiss of 2009?
  • I think it was Andy?
2. Who do you think will be your last kiss of 2009?
  • It was John.
3. What was your best vacation/trip in 2009?4. Who was your best friend through out the whole 2009?
  • Deonna and Sarah and Rodia and Amber
5. How many times did you move this year?
  • I moved into the hospital to be with my dad, but that was just temporary.
6. Did you make any new friends in the year 2009?
  • A few - Deonna's neighbors, Paul...I mostly reconnected with several awesome people I'd been missing (Sarah, Deonna, Nick, Lisa, Geno, Amanda, Jessica, John...)
7. How many different people did you kiss in the year 2008?
  • Ummm....5?
8. Were you single or taken most of 2009?
  • It was a weird year.
9. Did you lose any friends in the year 2009?
  • Probably. A few relatives as well....
10. Favorite tv show of 2008?
  • Law and Order: SVU, anything on HGTV, and - most recently - Hoarders on A&E
11. Any new additions to the family in 2009?
  • Not officially "family" in the blood-sense, but baby Owen was born and I fell in love with Violet!



12. Any new tattoos in 2009?
  • No, but I am thinking there may be one in 2010 - something dedicated to my daddy.
13. Do anything you regret in 2009?
  • Hummm....Not exactly. Every single second I didn't spend with my dad, I guess.
14. Favorite new item in 2009?
  • I've been unemployed so I haven't done a ton of shopping...maybe my Gophers hoodie??? I wear that a lot. And my birthday pirate, of course. Oh! I just remembered the Mazda Trois! I love her too!

15. How old did you turn in 2009?
  • 29
16. Did you go to prom in 2009?
  • I didn't in 1999 when I was in high school and I didn't in 2009 when that would just be totally creepy.
17. Favorite memory of 2009?
  • Geez....it's been a crap-tastic year....not a ton of good memories....crafting with Deonna, karaoke with Sarah, cabin with the cousins, my birthday party, John, teaching Lydia to knit....
18. Did anyone close to you die in 2009?
  • My daddy.
19. Do you think 2010 will be better than 2009?
  • It HAS to be...but I'm not holding my breath. (Same thing I said last year....hummm...)
20. What did you do on new years eve?
  • Had a wild and crazy time in Ramsey.
21. What is the status of you and the last person you texted?
  • Jim and I are buddies. (Kinda funny that I didn't have to change that one at all last year nor this year.)
22. What is wrong with you right now?
  • I'm unemployed, I miss my dad, I'm poor, I have trouble sleeping, I can't learn to crochet to save my life...
23. Do you miss your first love?
  • Nah, I see him all the time. Other Amy makes him very happy. :) (Same answer - always!)
24. When did you last cry?
  • A few hours ago.
25. Who do you hate?
  • My old team leader (still)
26. What do you want in your life right now?
  • Peace. Security. Love.
27. Are you happy?
  • I've been happier, but I get by.
28. What do you smell like?
  • I think John told me I smell "Earthy" or "natural" or something like that.
29. Drinking?
  • Yes.
30. What’s your favorite thing to have on your bed?
  • My Parachuting Bam Bot and covers - must have covers.







31
. What do you wear to bed?
  • Flannel, fleece, or sweat pants and a t-shirt.
32. Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
  • Probably - I think too much.
33. Whose house did you go to last night?
  • The Follanos'
34. What about the night before that?
  • Mine
35. Do you like anyone right now?
  • I like-like somebody.
36. What is the last movie you watched?
  • The last movie I watched AND paid attention to was Lost in Translation. Awesome.
37. What are you excited about?
  • No idea.
38. Who was last to touch your ass?
  • He knows who he is.
39. When you sleep, do you dream about heroin addicts?
  • No....but I wouldn't mind dreaming about Ewan McGregor....and he was a heroin addict in Trainsppotting.
40. Whats on your mind right now?
  • "This is getting to be a very complex blog post....I hope Deonna's happy that I mentioned her as many times as I could without seeming obsessed..."
41. Who was the last person to make you cry?
  • Just me, I guess.
42. Name someone whose name starts with the letter "R."
  • Rodia
43. Do you care what others think about you?
  • Yes
44. Do you trust people easily?
  • Probably too easily.
45. Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
  • Hope so.
46. Will you kiss the last person you kissed again?
  • Pretty sure I will.
47. Whats your first text in your inbox say?
  • The first as in the most recent says "Commando bandy. Lake bandy." (Jim's going skating tomorrow morning.)
48. Who was the last person you called?
  • Mom
49. Who was the last missed call?
  • Gramma
50. What's your ring tone?
  • "I'll Follow the Sun"
51. Do you plan on moving out in the next year?
  • I really really really hope not.
52. What were you doing at 8pm last Friday night?
  • Um....it was Christmas...John and I watched A Christmas Story and ate chicken nuggets and tater tots.
53. What happened at 10:00 am today?
  • I was sleeping on Deonna's couch with her dog.

Screw New Year's.

I thought it was just me, but several of the people I love most in the world (very much including my BFF Deonna) have the same New Year's Curse. Bad things happen. Nobody is happy. If something can go wrong, it will. The whole year starts off badly. Things end in tears and we vow to hibernate next year.

I feel like I shouldn't be so negative in my blog since everybody else's blog is so life-is-wonderful-and-everything-is-great....but life's not always wonderful around here and things aren't always great, no matter how much I try.

And that's life.

And life's NOT so bad. Not really. It could be 3 million times worse. If I've learned anything this past year, it's that.

But...I miss my old life.