Monday, November 1, 2010

In Loving Memory

I finally went to my dad’s grave this weekend – the first time I’ve been to the cemetery since we buried his ashes. I didn’t really plan to go, but it was a nice day and there it was and there I was…

It probably seems like I’ve been avoiding it. Maybe I have to some extent, but is anybody really EXCITED to go to a cemetery? And their father’s grave? I doubt it.

And really, what was I supposed to gain by going? My dad didn’t like cemeteries any more than I do and I obviously don’t have fond memories of the many, wonderful hours he and I spent together among dead people. In terms of closure, I’m pretty sure holding him as he died was plenty of clarification that he was gone – and putting his remains into the ground solidified the fact that he wouldn’t be coming back.

I wanted to go, though. While the cemetery doesn’t seem to house much of his spirit, the surrounding area – the Camden area of North Minneapolis – definitely does. It’s where we all grew up, more or less. Lots of memories…

RIP, Dad...So, I went. I assumed I’d know exactly where he was – how could I forget that cloudy morning in July with my family, my grampa and uncle, and so many of our friends when I left him there? What kind of daughter would that make me? How would I ever be able to live with myself???!!!

Yeah, well, it’s a cemetery. Needless to say, flat plots of ground don’t make especially good landmarks so, after a few laps, I finally just called my mom. (For the record, I was pretty close.)

His marker is nice and there were some flowers and a plaque from my grandma. I didn’t bring anything – I know he’d rather I buy myself a drink and I’m happy to honor his wishes (because I AM a good daughter!) It was weird, I guess…I could not remember where I had stood or what I saw the last time I was there at all. I didn’t have much of a reaction – it was sad, of course, but it was much harder going to the State Fair and it always sucks when I find an amazing burger that I can’t tell him about.

I didn’t cry.

RIP, Dad…

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