Friday, February 25, 2011

Remembering The Before Time

I've been thinking lately about how my life USED to be - what I did, what I liked, what inspired me, what I cared about, who I cared about...That kind of stuff.

It's getting harder to remember.

The Before Time ended around August, 2008.  My dad had his first surgery - the installation of the Robo-Bladder.  I didn't realize it then and I don't think it was a catalyst for most of the other disasters that followed so it's really only in retrospect that I think of it as a turning point in my life.  Maybe it was more like the beginning of a Dark Age, marked by traumatic events...

Hummmm...I kind of like that idea.  What comes next?  Restoration?  Enlightenment?  A Renaissance?  All of the above? 

I really need to brush up on my history.

My point is really nothing I haven't been saying here for probably far too long:  I don't know what Normal is. 

I suppose I get to define it and fill it with whatever I want...which is a nice idea, in some ways...but I think I depend on structure and direction more than I realize or like to admit. 

I recently watched the first 2 seasons of a BBC TV show called Survivors (it's a remake of a show from the 70's).  The premise is pretty much the same as 28 Days Later so I won't go into that.  Anyway, in an early episode, one of the survivors asks another what she used to do and she responds, "It doesn't matter anymore" (or something like that).

I've had that stuck in my head for a few days.  I keep asking - WHY wouldn't that matter?  It seems to me that every single skill and bit of knowledge you had would impact your future and thus matter a LOT...but it's a future the survivors are left to define and create for themselves.  In a scary, volatile world suddenly without order or leadership, how do you KNOW what matters?  How do you define and plan for a future that may never come? A future that definitely won't - and can't - even resemble what you'd always expected? 

The past still matters, but how do you reconcile it with an unfamiliar future?

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